Blue Cat E-mail Tirade

Oops. I've just upset Gordy Hoffman (which means I'll have to shelve my Blue Cat acceptance speech for next year. Remember KLF playing the Brits a few years back with Extreme Noise Terror and an artfully placed dead sheep? It would've looked a bit like that).

I've just received feedback on an additional script I submitted to Blue Cat back in February and subsequently forgot all about it (which is the best way to be with competitions I think). On 15th August, a good few weeks after the top ten per cent, finalists and winners had been announced, my own feedback limps into my in-box.

Despite the fact that I'd forgotten all about the entry, I wasn't too impressed with this, so sent Gordy an email in which I threw my toys out of my pram plus a few more besides. This provoked a response from Gordy in which he basically bitch slapped me and told me to shut it - which, come to think of it, was a pretty fair response. Gordy stated that if I was dissatisfied with anything Blue Cat had done this year, then I could have a free entry next year. Very considerate (especially once you factor in my insulting email) - however, after my tirade, I don't think I'm welcome in the esteemed Blue Cat neighbourhood, so I shall slink off, all chastened and ashamed...

Anyway, the upshot of this is that Gordy sent me the marking criteria that Blue Cat use, which is reproduced below:

STORY
CHARACTERIZATION
DIALOGUE
DESCRIPTION
CLARITY
ORIGINALITY

They mark each script out of 60, 10 for each category. My second script scored 26 (43%, good enough for an A level!), with a '2' for characterization! Wow. The winner scored 58 (which meant that the winner was more than twice as good as my own script!).

In comparison, I saw The Bourne Ultimatum last night, and using the Blue Cat marking criteria above (and, of course, my own rigorous standards of critique), I gave it a mark of 21 - which makes it a load of old flapdoodle in my book. And don't get me started on The Walker, Paul Schrader's latest. Perhaps I ought to send him an email to see if I can upset him as well...