A to B (And All the Way Back Again)

Once upon a time, I wrote a script. In chronological order, this is what happened to it:

1) To start with, read about Terry Illot and the Hammer Films episode here.

2) After that, Marchmont Films got their grubby little hands on it – you can read the full sorry lowdown here.

3) More or less at the same time, this happened (hello Yellow UK!) (I never got those script reports done, incidentally).

4) November 2007, and the script is selected by METLAB for development and eventual pitching to a cabal of investors. After a meeting in January 2008, I launched upon a month’s worth of rewrite and whizzed the new draft over to the truly gorgeous Lucy Vee for comment (Lucy is/was METLAB’s script editor of choice). Notes came back: super! At this stage, I was hoping to get another meeting with both Lucy and John Sweeney (METLAB head cheese) as per the original ‘calling notice’ to discuss potential ways forward. For whatever reason, the meeting never materialised. Wary of putting a lot of work in for no discernible gain, I turned my attention elsewhere (I was mid-way through a tricksy collaboration/treatment; stay tuned for more fun and games on that one at some point). Over the next few months, I waited for a meeting and a plan of action from John Sweeney, but nothing turned up. By now, I was starting to get the feeling that nothing was going to come of this (my sixth sense by now is quite well attuned to episodes of this sort). The project sat on the backburner for several months until I e-mailed John asking him what was going on (and giving him an ultimatum of sorts). I received this in reply. Game over.

5) In February 2008, I got this from an agent at United Agents:

...I absolutely loved it. It is smart and witty and unsettling.

...I’d love to read anything else you might want an agent to sell and I’d love to meet, if you’re still looking for representation.

Er, let’s think about this for a second – yes please!

Then: complete and utter silence for months. I chased up Mr Agent on a couple of occasions - he was always politeness and charm personified, but still nothing doing. Is it worth another chase? Probably not.

(Apropos of nothing at all, United Agents represent Henry Naylor: a couple of friends of mine were on the same Cambridge Footlights revue as Mister Naylor, and had a frankly uncalled for rhyme whenever his name arose in conversation: “Henry Naylor, Henry Naylor; about as funny as Vlad the Impaler.” Honestly, there’s just no need for it (*chortle*)).

6) “Notable Producer X”: I am wary of blogging too much about this at the moment, as I might say something I'll regret (as if that's ever stopped me before).

7) BBC Writersroom: a couple of months ago I got a lovely letter from Writersoom with a couple of pages of notes saying how much they liked the script and inviting me to send my next grand opus in (which I duly did, only for it to come back a month later – they’d already read it, you see. Oops).

Strangely enough, I wrote this in a post on 30th July 2007:

... if you want to know where NOT to send your speculative scripts, then stay tuned – I seem to have an almost supernatural knack for ferreting out production companies for whom procrastination is a profitable pastime...

In a bizarrely circuitous fashion, over a year later I’m back to where I started from - which really does go to show that if you want a successful screenwriting career, keep one eye permanently glued on Unfit for Print. Whatever I do, do the exact opposite: you really can’t go wrong.

Getting 'It' Out There

In the comments section of Lucy’s post on MyVisualPitch here, Piers serves up a brilliantly cost effective and reliable method of promoting yourself and your screenplay to the world at large – which got me thinking (never a pleasant sight at the best of times). All the little baby steps I’ve made with my own scripts have mostly down to my own efforts – and by that I mean that I haven’t paid anyone or any website a single penny to promote my work. I tried Inktip last summer (see here for a summary) and got absolutely nowhere. I have no opinion as to why this was – perhaps my loglines didn’t inspire people to find out more, who knows? – and of course, you pays your money, you takes your choice (i.e., caveat emptor). But I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion that if you - the writer - are in control, that’s got to be a good thing. And to be in control means doing it yourself.

Don’t get me wrong – I have absolutely nothing against sites like Inktip or MyVisualPitch (there’s no doubt that they work for some people). It’s just that – like Piers – I think there are far more cost effective ways of promoting your work and also retaining a degree of control regarding the process. Like most people I dislike cold calling, so I tend to lead with either a letter or an e-mail. If you come across as reasonably sane and intelligent, you’ll be pleasantly surprised as to who responds. You could do worse than start off with this list (on the bottom of the same post there’s also a link to a post on Danny Stack’s blog with similar information regarding different companies). Send ‘em an e-mail and see what happens! After all, it’s free. Add in a few script calls (the recent Sharps, for example) and the odd competition (if that’s your bag), and you should have enough to keep the promotions subsidiary of your screenwriting ‘business’ busy without bankrupting yourself. And if you really have a hankering to try and promote your work in the United States, try this website – it has more free information on it than you can shake an oversized stick at.

Absolutely 100% of all the opportunities I’ve gone for over the last couple of years have been pursued using purely traditional means: letters, e-mails (yeah, OK, ‘traditional’ in the sense that it’s still a letter per se) and phone calls. Judging from the very limited amount of marketing I’ve done, I’ve had many close calls, a few meetings and have been on a fair few shortlists – all for a minimum outlay. I’m working on a collaboration right now, which cost me absolutely nothing to establish. Besides, I don’t have the money to throw at things like Inktip, and what’s more, I’m a control freak. I want to know who might be interested in my work and who might want to read it.

In this regard, I find the internet a little disingenuous, as it seemingly offers up the prospect of instant success for a minimum investment of time. The problem here as I see it is twofold -cost: as the price of a lot of online services is often prohibitive, and lack of visibility: once your work is out there, you have very little idea how it’s doing, or how it compares to everything else in an already overcrowded market.

Piers’ idea of buying a copy of the Writers & Artists Yearbook is still a good one – go through it and make a list of everyone who accepts unsolicited submissions. Send them a letter, an e-mail, or even a script. It really is that simple.

Six Types of Busy

Six types of busy at the moment, which is always surprising (and immensely gratifying). I suspect that by writing about things I’ll put some kind of weird gypsy jinx on them, but hey ho:

* METLAB script – this is where a lot of my energy is going at the moment – a month into the rewrite and I’m 60 pages in, which is quite an achievement considering the number of times I’ve had to rewrite the first 30 pages. I had some major issues with character motivation that had to be resolved before I could continue – bearing in mind my crap working method (i.e., outlining as I write, or, as I prefer to call it, ‘making it up as you go along’) this does not make for a mentally stable experience. On the home straight now (I think).

* A Pitch in Time – oh, go on then.

* Another pitch and synopsis for someone else. Like I might’ve mentioned before, I’ve thrown these out for other people previously – what tends to happen next is complete and utter silence – which is, you know, cool.

*Agents – Agent X is now in receipt of Script #2. It’s a long and time consuming process as the recent discussion over at Lucy Vee’s pointed out – the skinny seems to be that agents probably aren’t worth pursuing if you’re expecting them to do wonders for your fledging career, but Agent X seems interested enough to read more so I’ll try and keep that plate spinning for a little while longer.

* I have somehow wangled a meeting with a producer/director for next week. Check back here for exclusive updates on how I manage to fluff it all up by saying something stoopid and falling over in a comical fashion.

*A short script for the BSSC and SuperShorts – never tried one before so hey, why not?

And there you have it. As you were.

More Agent Bothering

Every six months or so, I do a more-or-less random trawl through the labyrinthe of UK literary agents in an attempt to cajole them into reading one of my scripts. My ‘hit rate’ was a fairly respectable one in four – until Monday that is. Out of six e-mails, two agents came back on the same day requesting material – which was nice. What usually happens now is that they read the script and go strangely silent for several months, as did Marjacq Scripts. That said, one interesting e-mail I received was from a large agency who stated that they were not looking at any unsolicited scripts – ten minutes later, I got emails from not one but two agents at the same agency (one requesting a script). So, we’ll see what happens. When the dust has settled, I may even name names (but don't hold your breath - I tried this once waiting for Dench Arnold to respond and it all got very painful).

In other non-agent news (well, it might be related, depending on your take on the PFD/United Agents dust up), Gladiators is back! True trash television at its best.

Opportunity Knocks, part 5

The Screenwriters' Festival '08 in association with Channel 4's 4Talent want to give YOU the opportunity to pitch your amazing Movie or TV idea to a stellar industry panel AND the live festival audience.

Several writers from (the) last two pitching competitions in 2006 & 2007 have already gone onto bigger, better things and have had their ideas optioned, been commissioned to write an original screenplay or have been snapped up by an agent.

The competition is now open here – closing date 29th February 2008.

Opportunity Knocks, part 4

This just received from Shooting People:

PITCH YOUR IDEA TO WIN THE UK’S BIGGEST FILM PRIZE WORTH £250,000

Northern Lights Film Festival and Culture
www.nlff.co.uk
www.moxiemakers.com

Northern Lights Film Festival and Culture are proud to provide Moxie Makers with a platform to launch the most dynamic feature film production prize in the UK worth up to £250,000 at this year’s Northern Lights Film Festival 7 – 9 December at the Tyneside Cinema’s temporary venue at The Old Town Hall in Gateshead.

Moxie Makers is a new micro studio, created in the North East, with the express purpose of making low budget features with the most exciting new filmmaking talent emerging within the UK.

The selection process for The Big Pitch opens on December 7th and begins with a written application from which a shortlist of 15 projects will be drawn up. Shortlisted applicants will be selected by a professional industry panel and after undergoing an interview process, seven projects will be eliminated and only eight writer/director/producer teams and their respective feature film ideas will be invited onto The Big Pitch training programme.

The Big Pitch programme will kick-off with a four-day intensive induction and development workshop, after which only six teams will secure a place to continue further onto the project and pitch development stage.

During the four-month project and pitch development stage the six remaining teams will work with industry professionals to develop and package their project. At the end of this period only four out of the six teams will be invited to The Big Pitch event where they will sell their feature film ideas before a live audience at NLFF 08 as they compete for the production deal worth up to £250,000!

The Big Pitch Final will take place in Newcastle upon Tyne at Northern Lights Film Festival 2008. A celebrity host, an industry panel and an audience of over three hundred people, will watch as the teams sell the merits of their feature film project to the panel and most importantly inspire an audience with their vision. A question and answer session will put them through their paces before the live audience and online viewers vote to select the winning team.

The winner will be guaranteed production finance from Moxie Makers together with a post-production deal with Molinare, guaranteed UK distribution with Soda Makers and international sales representation with Moxiehouse Entertainment. The film will receive its red-carpet Gala Premiere as part of Northern Lights Film Festival in 2009.

The Big Pitch will open for entries at Northern Lights Film Festival 2007 on Friday 7th December. The closing date for applications is 22nd February 2008.

Stella Hall, Creative Director of culture said;

‘We are really excited about the engagement of Moxie Makers which brings this incredible opportunity for film-makers in the region and beyond. The great potential of the Big Pitch to create a new product – these nine feature films, as well as showcase the up-coming talent already working in the region is something we are really pleased about. It makes sense to incorporate the launch in the region’s most innovative film festival, the Northern Lights Film Festival.’

Christine Alderson, Ipso Facto Founder said today;

‘In the short time since it’s launch, Moxie Makers has already attracted some sensational projects and amazing talent, so the launch of The Big Pitch is a natural progression in enabling us to discover who else is out there.

It’s becoming more and more difficult to finance films in this country so really low budget production - which includes great development, training, mentoring and an experimentation with new technology and ideas - is going to be the future of film making.'

Visit www.moxiemakers.com for more information.

Opportunity Knocks, part 3

This just in from Mandy.com:

Vacancy: Screenplay Writer
Employer: The Zed Resistor Company
Location: London
Duration: 6-12 months, starts Immediate

The Zed Resistor Company (http://www.zedresistor.com/) is currently inviting submissions for completed feature length screenplays for consideration of next production.

Please send synopsis and plot information to: pauln2000@blueyonder.co.uk.

Web: http://www.zedresistor.com

Apply to: Paul Allan-Slade

Bad grammar aside, why not give it a go? What have you got to lose apart from your dignity and an internal organ?

Opportunity Knocks

This is kinda interesting - courtesy of Shooting People and Jerk Films:

To participate in the "Ed's Dead" writing competition, read the logline below carefully. Write a 5-15 page treatment, and upload it along with your CV, writing sample, signed entry form and cover page. You can submit more than one project, but make sure to sign and upload the entry form for each one.

Competition deadline is January 11, 2008. Winners will be announced February 15, 2008

Prizes:-
#1: $3000 in cash and the option for a writing assignment
#2: $1500 in cash
#3: $750 in cash

Here is your logline:

"Ed's Dead"- Only by giving up control over a small life one can gain a great life. A young and highly neurotic man is striving for perfection. In acting out his obsession with details, he fails to enjoy life until the death of his drug dealing elder brother turns his world upside down.

This Week’s Round of Rejection is Brought to you by the Letter ‘M’.

It’s always good for the soul to get rejections, so I thought I’d run through a few of my most recent failures for your delectation and delight:

Marjacq Scripts: Luke Speed asked for a script a few months back. Well, actually that’s not quite true – one of his assistants did. And from then on, complete silence. I chased Luke recently, and guess what? A deafening silence.

Shall I take that as a ‘no’ then? ;-)

Many Hands Productions: none other than Danny Stack tipped this lot. One beautifully crafted e-mail that adhered to MH's very particular requirements (their 'wants' list read a bit like a kidnap demand), and guess what? More thundering silence.

OK, I’m getting the idea now.

Marchmont Films (aka Bloomsbury Weddings): TonyB kindly supplied this link in which Marchmont want you, yes YOU, to wade through their EU wedding video mountain with a view to editing it down into a 45 minute package that someone’s paid a couple of thousand quid for. However, before you all pile in, bear in mind that you need your own editing equipment and the available funds to pay your own salary (I made that last bit up).

Even so, I’m sorely tempted. Just imagine the fun you could have Fight Club style, editing in screenshots from Marchmont’s website that no-one’s bothered to update since July 2006.

(What is it with companies beginning with the letter ‘M’? I would make a crack here about M standing for monosyllabic, but as these companies can’t muster a three word e-mail between them, I won’t bother).

London Pictures: the only company with the decency to send an e-mail saying, ‘No thanks, not what we’re looking for at the moment.’ And is it any co-incidence that the letter 'L' comes before 'M' in the alphabet? Conspiracy a-hoy (dons tin foil hat) me hearties!

As I’ve written before in previous posts, I seem to have developed some strange script-related abilities:

1. In general, my query letters always seem to get some sort of positive attention (mostly because, I suspect, I don’t write in crayon).
2. After I send prodcos and agents a script, they fall silent for months – this makes me worry, as I start to think that they may have been abducted.

Or maybe there’s another explanation: I read The Information by Martin Amis a little while back, where one of the characters – an avant garde novelist – writes books that give readers instant headaches and/or nosebleeds. In turn, perhaps my work sends agents and prodcos into weird deep space Ripley-esque comas.

Pip pip!

Inktip Opportunity - Low Budget Sci-Fi

This just in from the good folks at Inktip:

London Pictures Ltd ~ Low-budget sci-fi

I am looking for completed sci-fi screenplays. The only criterion is that the budget for shooting the film will be about 200K. My credits include: 'Burning Light' (2006) and 'Blinded' (2004).

To submit to this lead, please go to:http://www.inktippro.com/leads/ Enter your email address. Copy/Paste this code: dmfzwsr98z

NOTE: Please only submit your work if it fits what the lead is looking for exactly. If you aren't sure if your script fits, please ask InkTip first.

Check this link out as well regarding London Pictures' policy on scripts and payment (i.e., don't expect to make your screenwriting fortune out of this one!).

Unsolicited Submission Meltdown, part 2

Here are a couple more prodcos to add to this list:

Masterplan Film Productions - Masterplan Film Productions Ltd operates an open door policy for submissions, however we do ask that you send an initial email introducing yourself and your project before sending any attachments to us; we will then provide you with an unpublished email address to send your files to.

For general queries or to introduce you and your project to Masterplan: office@masterplanfilms.co.uk

Tight Rope Pictures - Unsolicited scripts may be sent to us and we will endeavour to respond as soon as possible. Please note this can take a while – we’re a small company and we don’t use external readers. If you would like us to return your script, please enclose a stamped self-addressed envelope with your submission.

It’s all gravy, as someone might have once said.

Rejection Times Two

Two more rejections from agents today – the first from David Higham, the second from Eric Glass. But what makes the rejection this time round a little more bearable is that I simply can’t remember having written to either of them!

Perhaps this is the best way to handle rejection (which is, let’s face it, going to happen more often than not in this game) – get those scripts and letters in the post and forget all about them. I do the same with competitions (I put two scripts in this year for Blue Cat but completely forgot about the second – Gordy Hoffman was not amused at my response).

I have stuff out with a couple of agents at the moment who are due a chase, so stay tuned...

Fun with Marchmont Films, Part 3

The Marchmont saga continues to run and run, with more disgruntled writers piling into the breach on Shooting People. However, a novel reason for their extended silence has been floated by Carl Allport, which is about the most feasible explanation I've heard so far.

I'd have thought that it was obvious what was going on. Come on- script submissions, Marchmont, division of Bloomsbury films, wedding season... It might be worth turning up outside of the church on Saturday and checking the confetti for 'courier 12'...

I suppose we should all just be grateful that it's not being run by Andrex... :)

All I can say is that it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside to think that my script might have helped some happy couple complete their day...

The Price is Right?

I got the following e-mail a little while back from a company called Roundhouse Films:

Many thanks for your mail and your submission, which we have finally been able to read.

However at this time we would not be interested in taking on this project.

Partly the reason why is from a costings point of view, specifically the gun fight scene, as well as the explosion in the flat, we thought about it and there are so few ways to film the second of these, and all of them are costly, which would be difficult for us at this time, we are looking for a script with little to no special effects to keep the budget down.

Well, first off, at least they read the damn thing. And secondly, my screenplay is hardly written in stone! If anyone wants ‘expensive’ scenes excised, then hey, they’re gone, consider it done. But no matter – Roundhouse did what they said they would do and got back to me in a reasonable time, which is a lot more than a lot of other prodcos ever do.

But then I got to thinking – in writing a speculative screenplay, should you have half an eye towards a possible budget?

I’ve read countless scripts on Trigger Street where, within 5 pages, you become painfully aware that what you’re reading is going to cost hundreds of millions of dollars to put up on screen – in a spec screenplay, I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. TS certainly features a high proportion of fantasy and horror scripts written with a sense of complete abandonment with regards to (an admittedly fictional) budget – scenes that could only be constructed using expensive effects and multiple locations, some literally being out of this world. Add to that the fact that the script may well be set in a period other than the present day and you have a recipe for a budget that would eat everything in its path. And besides, no-one in their own right mind is going to entrust the writing of something like that to an untried first timer.

Given the fact that mega-budget fantasy movies tend to come off the back of best selling novels (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, et al), I’m not so sure how much of a chance a similar spec screenplay stands in this market. Given the shape of the industry, the horror genre almost demands something that can be made for a low budget – so to write something where handfuls of money would have to be thrown around with gay abandon seems a little wrong headed to me.

That’s assuming of course that you intend your screenplay to be a blueprint for a viable movie, and not simply a ‘writing sample’ – in which case, my own general rule is to write with a beady eye fixed firmly on the money. No expensive FX (yeah, OK, an explosion in a flat is probably quite an expensive thing to stage, point taken), limited/already extant locations, present day settings, no sets – the list goes on. By writing something that could potentially be produced for a low budget, then surely you increase your chances of actually getting the thing read/considered/produced?

On the other hand, if you intend what you write to be seen as a ‘writing sample’, then I guess the sky’s the limit. If you want to demonstrate a penchant for writing fantasy or science-fiction, then that’s cool – however, when the budget spirals, then there will undoubtedly be an exponential drop in the number of prodcos willing to consider (let alone read) what you’ve written.

Companies such as London Pictures appear to be actively seeking for no-to-low budget scripts – their requirements are here (notice how they cunningly include themselves as “established independent evaluators”!). The general feeling I get about sites like Inktip is that the overwhelming demand is for scripts that can produced on a low-to-no budget – however, seeing that Inktip is predominantly US-based, the opportunities for writers in the UK would seem to be limited.

Of course, the ideal screenplay from a speculative point of view is one that can be used as a writing sample and that has also been written with a low budget in mind. One of the first scripts I wrote ‘sort of’ fell into this camp – it initially got a prodco (Kelso Films – anyone remember them?) and a few agents hot and bothered, on the basis that it was predominantly written for a low budget and that it featured (what I thought at the time) was a reasonably complex time structure. Having just seen London to Brighton, I think this dual axiom still holds true – write something that is original and/or formally inventive, and something that can filmed for next to nothing, and you’ve got half a chance of getting a foot in the door.

Agent Bothering and Other Hobbies

I’ve been bothering UK literary agents for years with a spectacular run of what I like to describe as ‘ur-success’ (which is a lot like failure but stretched over a period of many years). Bear in mind the agents below are only the ones I’ve had significant exchanges with over the last few years.

So, in no particular order:

Brie Burkeman. I recently received a lovely e-mail from Brie saying that although 'technically' she is looking for new clients, she is simply too busy to dedicate any time to them at the moment. That said, her kind words are probably a euphemism for ‘feck off’. I think Brie used to be at:

Jonathan Clowes. These guys are the original big hitters. Clients include Len Deighton, Doris Lessing, David Nobbs and the Sir Kingsley Amis Estate. No email and no website, so you will have to approach by letter (unlike a lot of agents out there, JC always respond to initial queries, even if it is a ‘no thanks’).

Elspeth Cochrane. Now this is more like it. I can’t remember the name of the guy I dealt with here (a few years back, admittedly), but he was a rough diamond and make no mistake, guv’nor.

This agent (let’s call him Bob) expressed an interest in one of the first scripts I ever wrote – however, rather than taking me on as a bonafide client, he suggested that I reside on his ‘temporary list’ (something I suspected he had just made up on the spot). The concept behind this ‘list’ was that I should continue to market my script all by my lonesome with no assistance from the agency whatsoever – until I made a sale that is. Bob would then magically pop out of his box and slap a commission on whatever I had managed to negotiate for myself. Cracking deal, eh? I continued to market the script myself but without recourse to this obviously spaced out lunatic (me and about seven hundred other writers on his temporary list I suspect).

Six months later, I called Bob for an idle chat only to be told by Elspeth Cochrane herself (sounding delightfully cranky, like a dotty old maiden aunt in an Ealing film) that he had gone AWOL, and that she had no idea where he was (selling London Bridge to Japanese tourists perhaps?). By the way, she said, do you want your script back, or shall I shred it? What about your prestigious ‘temporary list’ I almost asked, but bit my tongue (that said, they’re the only agents to have done this to me. Everyone else has been thoroughly professional and eminently polite, even if they think my work is a load of plop).

Notable clients: Royce Ryton, Alex Jones and Robert Tanitch. Elspeth Cochrane appear to have had the same clients for about a million years, so god knows what they were doing toying with me (and on their high-status ‘temporary list’ to boot). I seem to recall they also counted Ernie Wise amongst their clients, but that’s not important right now.

They don’t have a website (I can’t find one anyway). How very post-modern!

Curtis Brown. I worried Ben Hall for a while when he was at AP Watt, and this tradition has continued since he moved to Curtis Brown. Ben writes very polite and encouraging ‘no thanks’ letters, which I receive with alarming frequency.

Notable clients: the prodigious Colin Bateman (just thinking about his output makes me want to go and lie down in dark room for a couple of weeks), Rob Grant, Harriet Warner.

Dench Arnold. The first port of call for screenwriters fresh out of the blocks these days, so it appears. They managed to kick me into touch after eight months and two scripts – always in a considerate and professional way, mind you. However, their email answering skills would occasionally fall into Marchmont type levels of inactivity. I’m not quite sure why it takes four months to respond to an initial script query, but there you go – ours is not to reason why.

Send Fiona Grant (Elizabeth Dench’s assistant) an email – she’d love to hear from you.

Notable clients: Peter Chelsom, Adrian Dunbar, Caroline Sax (the script supervisor for Underworld – like, wow, there was a script for that? You learn something new every day).

Futerman, Rose & Associates. Guy Rose was a thoroughly likeable sort, so I bothered him for a while to no avail. Barney Fisher-Turner as well – who also isn’t interested. Meh. Their loss.

Notable Clients: Toyah Wilcox, Brian Harvey (huh?) and Iain Duncan-Smith. There’s a nice picture of Toyah post-facelift on their website, which has got to be worth a visit.

Marjacq Scripts. What a beautiful front door!

We are always seeking to expand our talented client base and welcome new submissions.

Well, you don’t see that every day. Their website features potted biographies of the writers they represent, which should give you an idea of who they are looking for. Worth a punt, I reckon. Luke Speed is the man you need.

Peters, Fraser Dunlop: a tutor of mine at Cambridge is represented by Rosemary Canter (children’s illustration) – she put me in touch with Charles Walker a few years back. Charles was always polite and accommodating, so I continued to bother him for a while until I got the message. Jago Irwin was the next in line, another thoroughly decent chap with a sideline in carefully crafted automatic rejection emails. There are so many agents at PFD by the time you got round to being rejected by them all, you could probably start at the beginning again without Agent #1 recognising your name – a bit like painting the Forth Bridge I guess.

Notable Clients: take your pick really. Everyone who’s anyone. There are absolutely millions of writers, directors, illustrators and French polishers all available at handsome rates.

There is an excellent list of UK literary agents at the Bloomsbury website here.

Agents are, of course, looking for talented, prodigious writers with finely honed commercial sensibilities, which obviously means that I’m making a series of (rash?) assumptions about my ability that may or may not be true.

That said, give me a deadline and I’ll go at it like a fat kid after a doughnut – however, I’m sure that my ‘commercial sensibility’ could do with a bit of a buff. For god’s sake, my favourite book is Bouvard and Pecuchet by Flaubert. Perhaps I should catch up on all those Doctor Who episodes that I’ve been (deliberately) missing.

With all the above in mind, I don’t think that having an agent provides anyone with a gift wrapped solution. Friends of mine seem to get on perfectly well without representation – the percentage that the agent would have taken sits very nicely inside their pockets, thank you very much. At the very least, having an agent should widen the base of companies that are prepared to read your work.

As for marketing (when I can be bothered), my current hit rate comes in at about the 1 in 4 mark, i.e., for every agent that requests to see something, another three either don’t reply or simply send a brief ‘no thank you’ note - which I don’t think is too bad (that’s discounting all those offers I have to sit on prestigious ‘temporary lists’, of course).

BBC Writersroom - Broadcasting Event

This from the Writer's Guild e-mail bulletin:

Kate Rowland and Paul Ashton from BBC Writersroom will be in conversation with Tom Green, the Guild’s magazine and website editor on Thursday 13th September at the Writers’ Guild Centre in Kings Cross.

The event will be held from 7- 9pm and will focus on how the BBC Writersoom find and develop writers for radio and TV drama.

Tickets for this event will be £5 for Guild members and £7.50 for non-members. Please join us after the event for a complimentary glass of wine. Places are limited so please book in early and advance.

If you would like to attend please send a cheque payable to the Writers' Guild, to ‘BBC Writersroom event ’, Writers' Guild of Great Britain, 15-17 Britannia Street, London, WC1X 9JN.

Hmmm, sounds kinda interesting...

Unsolicited Submission Meltdown!

I’ve just realised (a bit slow on the uptake, me), that a blog is a great depository for all that stuff you should have a home for but just can’t get round to organising properly in any other format. From now on, if I have a sudden hankering to send scripts spinning out willy-nilly into the cyber-ether, all I have to do is to click on the links below (gleaned from pitching, submitting and pointlessly roaming about like the proverbial lemon).

Covent Garden Films – We are not accepting feature film scripts at present, as our development slate is now full. However, we will make an exception for science fiction.

Festival Film - Please note that we do accept unsolicited material as long as it is professionally presented and in an acceptable television or film script format.

Focus Films: Script Submissions to Malcom Kohll. Focus appear to be open to unsolicited submissions, but it would be a good idea to email Malcom first to check.

Gruenberg Film Gmbh - We are open to look at script and project submissions. Please drop us a short e-mail, we will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

Olive Pictures – On-line submission, which is always handy – they seem to be looking for horror scripts (that said, they didn’t want mine. Well, they didn’t reply, which I guess is the same thing). That said, this site has been in ‘default’ mode for some time now, so I’m not sure how active Olive is as a company – details appear sketchy, so approach with caution.

Sensate Media – Looks like their latest script call is now closed, but it’s always worth keeping on eye out. Beth White writes an entertaining (and slightly psychotic) column for The Spectator, here.

September Films – Nadine Mellor used to be the Head of Production at September, and read a lot of unsolicited material (even though September were not involved in features production at the time). Nadine moved on a couple of years back and judging from the look of their website, September do not accept unsolicited submissions. However, might it be worth an email? Who knows…

Serendipity Films – Check the website for details. Nothing is listed for unsolicited submissions, but drop Jonathan Newman a line and ask politely (I did).

UK Screen has a Writing Forum page that occasionally offers up the odd writing opportunity. Always worth keeping an eye out.

World Productions - We accept all unsolicited material for consideration at World Productions so feel free to send me a hard copy of your project through the post. The company no longer operates a film arm. As you may know or have gathered from our web-site, we make drama for television and as such, tend only to consider material suited to that medium. We also prefer to read fully finished works as opposed to synopsis.

Yellow UK On rare occasions we will accept unsolicited material from unrepresented writers, but we will certainly consider projects for co-development from third party producers that fulfil certain criteria…

Danny Stack’s blog also has a good post on unsolicited submissions here. Most of the above are in addition to this list.

Public Service Announcement! Before you start battering these no doubt overworked companies with synopses and scripts, please take a look at their websites to see if your material would be a good fit for their company/slate profile.