Skins vs Old Gits

My nineteen year old nephew stayed at Chipster Towers over the weekend, and it was a whole lot of fun. Honestly – it was. Well, for some of us at least.

On Friday evening, he went out in Brighton with a couple of friends, the intention being that they were going to stay in a seafront hotel for the night (I don’t have the room here you see – the east wing is currently being remodelled). Problem was, it didn’t quite turn out like that. The friend my nephew was supposed to be meeting went AWOL when his mobile died – not that this put a dampener on anyone’s evening. My nephew ended up getting hammered and crashing on a friend’s sofa, getting to sleep at about 5.30am. The morning after, he got the lowdown from his friend (mobile now back up and running), who remembered nothing from about 6pm the previous evening; the one thing he did know is that he shared his hotel room with a work colleague (what kids these days don’t discuss via text isn’t really worth going into – suffice to say, UFP is a fine upstanding pillar of the blogging community and I know what delicate, sensitive souls you all are ;-)).

Why am I bothering to mention this? Well, my nephew’s life over the course of any given twenty four hour period reads like an entire series of Skins on fast forward (every time I see him, he’s got a new tattoo or a piercing: the latest looks a bit like this – ouch, and double ouch) – which brings me very neatly to the recent ‘debate’ on the Shooting People screenwriting bulletin where various old gits have been complaining about this opportunity.

The fact that the upper age limit for entry into this competition has been set at 23 has caused a right load of wailing and gnashing of teeth, with accusations of ‘ageism’ being gleefully bandied about. I’m not a subscriber to that whole ‘write what you know’ ethos, but in this case I think the producers of Skins have a point. Skins is a show that is aimed at the 16-25 demographic (plus a few dirty old men I suspect), so it’s no wonder that the producers want to enlist younger voices – you know, for ‘authenticity’ and what have you. I’m sure the majority of parents out there would be horrified if they knew what their teenage darlings got up to of a weekend, and it’s precisely this experience and mindset that the producers are seeking out. Nothing wrong with that in my book. There are enough old codgers out there in TV land, so what’s wrong with giving the kids a break every now and again? God knows they need it.

So: how about my Friday night? My nephew was having problems with a 2,500 word essay on Roland Barthes, so in a crazy fit of munificence, I said I’d help. Turns out it was easier to write the damn thing myself (Barthes is a whole load of fun, isn’t he? I got to the 2,000 word mark before I realised that I hadn't got a flippin' clue what I was on about).

Like I said, some of us had some fun, but it sure wasn’t this old codger.

Factory/Warehouse, Part 2

More from the Factory/Warehouse chaps below. Caveat emptor, people - not that there's any money changing hands, but you get the drift...
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Dear all.

Having various people ask us several good questions, below are various points you should consider to be absolutely clear about what we are offering.

This opportunity is really for any writer but was put out particularly for all new writers who wished to get their work seen by some of the top people in the industry. Myself and my friend/colleague Ben have found ourselves in the unusual position due to previous dealings with some agents to be able to put forward peoples work. Because of our relationship with them we know what projects have interest and that, unlike most scripts that land on their desk, ours will actually be read and considered. They have explicitly not allowed us to mention who the agencies are until further on when it will be important to know who the actors might be so we can try to work toward, what one hopes will be, successful projects.

Once again we must stress that there is no money involved initially. Should the project be packaged then yes of course WGGB payment terms will apply.

The 'Adaption' email states that you should 'think' of these actors when considering writing the Rebecca adaptation. It does not say these 'are' the actors who have agreed to play the part. Any actor would not commit to this unless they have a script to agree upon and this is what this is all about.

Having worked in the business in various capacities and having several writer friends I understand how hard it can be to even get seen despite the level of talent, this is why we wanted to offer the chance to writers. At the end of the day if the writer succeeds then we do, if they don't we don't. We can only offer a couple of guarantees; firstly that if you are a good writer and create a strong script it will get read by the people who are interested in the project and can make a difference, secondly should they approve we then have the ability to package a product and of course offer proper rates. It is doing things back to front, I do appreciate that, but it is a rare chance to put something forward and have it read.

Please have in mind that this is the first time this has been done so all relevant questions and queries are appreciated.

Richard S

Factory/Warehouse

You may well have seen all the ballyhoo over on Shooting Pople regarding a script call made by someone calling themselves 'The Script Factory'. I responded to the original posting, and got this message back today, which I'm offering up below. A lot of work required over the next month! I won't be partaking, and I suspect that not many others will either, but hey ho - who am I to complain?

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Dear writers,

Thank you for your interest in these projects. My apologies for the group e-mail but as you can imagine we have had quite a response from our posting thus it would be too time consuming to do individual responses. Below is a list of several novels that currently are of interest. As stated in the posting we have contacts with a couple of high profile agents who have discussed these projects with their clients and would be keen to read any submissions that we put forward. At this stage there is, unfortunately, no development money but this is an excellent opportunity to have your work read by people at the very top of the industry who actually want to make the project that you have worked on. As long as the agent and their client agree to the project, we will be in a position to package it and offer Equity rates.

There a three projects that we are looking to start with.

These consist of the following -

1. A modern adaptation of Daphne Du Mauriers Rebecca
Feature film
Leads roles think -
Ralph Fiennes to play Max De Winter
Naomi Watts as 2nd Mrs De Winter

Rebecca modern adaptation we will need
- 10 line summary
- 10-15 page treatment
- 20-30 pages of script

2. Adaptation of John Masefields Dead Ned and Alive and Kicking Ned

12 Part mini series for TV
Dead Ned/ Alive and kicking Ned we will need:
- 10 line summary
- 10-15 page treatment
- 1st episode (To give you a feel it should be written as if a BBC period drama)

3. Adaptation of J.Meade Faulkners Moonfleet
6 Part mini series
Moonfleet we will need
- 10 line summary
- 10-15 page treatment
- 1st episode(Again the feel should be written as if a BBC period drama)

Please feel free to choose one that suits you best . If you find you would like to do more then that is entirely up to you. The deadline for the first round of submissions will be the 13th of October. Once again due to the volume it may be impossible to reply to everyone individually but we will let you know if you are offered the chance to present a full script or if what you have done is not what they are after. Once we have been though everyones ideas we will chose to work from a maximum of 3 working scripts from each film/tv project to move forward with. Your interpratation of the projects and the artistic direction you choose to go in is entirely up to you, if you chose to stay close to the stories or venture quite far from them in your adaptation that is at your discretion. The only real criteria is that the projects are exciting, innovative and well written. Not too much to ask for I am sure!

Also could all future responses be sent to the e-mail address scriptwarehouse@yahoo.co.uk as we have discovered that the script_factory e-mail address is very similar to the name of a company that we have no affiliation with, we would not like to mislead anyone. Best of luck and I look forward to reading your submissions.
Richard S

Pitch

This just in from the Writer's Guild Bulletin (thanks to Mister G, as usual).

Son of a Pitch - Pitching Competition

It's that time of year again, plans are afoot for the next International Screenwriters' Festival (likely to take place in early July 2009) and a call for entries has been released for the very popular pitching competition. The competition, which is in association with 4Talent, will run from 5pm on Monday 8th September until 5pm on Friday 28th November 2008. After which, ten lucky finalists will be chosen to come to the SWF'09, take part in a pitching masterclass before standing up in front of a live audience and pitch that idea to a panel of industry experts.

Please go to this address for all the competition rules, regulations and timelines: http://www.screenwritersfestival.com/a-pitch-in-time.php

BSSC Round One

The script I entered for the BSSC (Out of Time) this year has made it through the initial cut to round one (along with approximately 2,417 others*). Elinor, on the other hand, has three in, which theoretically gives her three times as many chances of winning as me (closely followed by Martin Adams with two). Drat! And double drat!

Now that's out of my system, congratulations to everyone who made it through.
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* Sorry, I couldn't be bothered to count them all!

Plate Spinner Extraordinaire

Whilst everyone and his/her dog has been away at the Screenwriter’s Festival, I’ve been putting my extremely ad-hoc and random marketing plan into operation, which is much like keeping a series of plates spinning whilst rubbing your head and patting your stomach at the same time – or something (you get the idea). Last week seemed the ideal opportunity as well, as the competition were all off playing croquet in Cheltenham ;-) (I went to a school with a croquet lawn and two grass tennis courts – how posh am I?)

The upside is that I got two script requests and a chat with my agent chum (just because you haven’t heard from someone in a while doesn’t mean they’re not interested – very often, a polite phone call is enough to gently prod them into action). Baby steps all, and it keeps those plates spinning I guess. And what with METLAB in a Ripley-esque state of suspended animation, I idly starting wondering what had happened to TAPS. One e-mail later, it transpires that the scripts are out with ‘industry professionals’ for a read – decisions as to the final scripts may/may not be made in the next couple of weeks. Probably best not to hold your breath.

I’m also still tarting about with that treatment, which now has a deadline of late August. And then of course, there’s the RISE Summer Challenge and the new Red Planet thing – lots to keep anyone occupied over the summer I reckon. The Red Planet competition looks great (as usual), so I’ll have to get my skates on at some point and do something about that.

As you were...

Sharps: Over and Out

Like Oli, David and the rest of the scribosphere, my Sharps entry did absolutely fup all, which doesn’t mean to say that what I submitted was a pile of unmentionables. Everyone who read it and passed comment seemed to genuinely like the concept, and it even made people laugh (intentionally, I hasten to add) - so all round, I was pretty pleased with the way it turned out. OK, so it’s been passed over this time, but there’s nothing to say that it can’t act as a valuable ‘calling card’/writing sample for something else – and let’s face it, thirty pages is much easier for a reader to gaily skip through than that dense 130 page sci-fi epic that you’ve been slaving over for the last decade (my own dense sci-fi epic that I’ve been slaving over for the last decade comes in at 94 pages, so I’m one up on you already. Ha! ;-))

In retrospect, I have a creeping suspicion that the first ten pages of my script did not do an adequate job of grabbing the Writersroom reader by the old proverbials right from the get-go – too much set up perhaps, too much of a slow burn before my cabal of sociopathic MPs went completely off the rails and tried hitching a lift to the nearest star system. That said, perhaps they thought it was shite, but I don’t care – it may sound terrifically arrogant of me, but I like it enough to use it again for something else. And as Lucy says over at her esteemed gaff, this game is pretty subjective – if you write something that excites you and that you believe in rather than what you think people want to read, I think you’re onto something pretty decent. It’s just that what excites you may not be the same as what excites and interests your reader – but when the two match up, that’s where the fun starts. But for the moment, I’m happy in my little transparent bubble.

Getting 'It' Out There

In the comments section of Lucy’s post on MyVisualPitch here, Piers serves up a brilliantly cost effective and reliable method of promoting yourself and your screenplay to the world at large – which got me thinking (never a pleasant sight at the best of times). All the little baby steps I’ve made with my own scripts have mostly down to my own efforts – and by that I mean that I haven’t paid anyone or any website a single penny to promote my work. I tried Inktip last summer (see here for a summary) and got absolutely nowhere. I have no opinion as to why this was – perhaps my loglines didn’t inspire people to find out more, who knows? – and of course, you pays your money, you takes your choice (i.e., caveat emptor). But I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion that if you - the writer - are in control, that’s got to be a good thing. And to be in control means doing it yourself.

Don’t get me wrong – I have absolutely nothing against sites like Inktip or MyVisualPitch (there’s no doubt that they work for some people). It’s just that – like Piers – I think there are far more cost effective ways of promoting your work and also retaining a degree of control regarding the process. Like most people I dislike cold calling, so I tend to lead with either a letter or an e-mail. If you come across as reasonably sane and intelligent, you’ll be pleasantly surprised as to who responds. You could do worse than start off with this list (on the bottom of the same post there’s also a link to a post on Danny Stack’s blog with similar information regarding different companies). Send ‘em an e-mail and see what happens! After all, it’s free. Add in a few script calls (the recent Sharps, for example) and the odd competition (if that’s your bag), and you should have enough to keep the promotions subsidiary of your screenwriting ‘business’ busy without bankrupting yourself. And if you really have a hankering to try and promote your work in the United States, try this website – it has more free information on it than you can shake an oversized stick at.

Absolutely 100% of all the opportunities I’ve gone for over the last couple of years have been pursued using purely traditional means: letters, e-mails (yeah, OK, ‘traditional’ in the sense that it’s still a letter per se) and phone calls. Judging from the very limited amount of marketing I’ve done, I’ve had many close calls, a few meetings and have been on a fair few shortlists – all for a minimum outlay. I’m working on a collaboration right now, which cost me absolutely nothing to establish. Besides, I don’t have the money to throw at things like Inktip, and what’s more, I’m a control freak. I want to know who might be interested in my work and who might want to read it.

In this regard, I find the internet a little disingenuous, as it seemingly offers up the prospect of instant success for a minimum investment of time. The problem here as I see it is twofold -cost: as the price of a lot of online services is often prohibitive, and lack of visibility: once your work is out there, you have very little idea how it’s doing, or how it compares to everything else in an already overcrowded market.

Piers’ idea of buying a copy of the Writers & Artists Yearbook is still a good one – go through it and make a list of everyone who accepts unsolicited submissions. Send them a letter, an e-mail, or even a script. It really is that simple.

Sharps Request

OK, so the world and his wife are lining up to enter this (according to my online entry number, there have already been over 800 million entries – zoiks!), so good luck everyone. I had a short script that *kind of* fitted the general theme of ‘the nation’s health’, so I inflated it to thirty pages, but something didn’t quite feel right somehow (that said, I got some fantabulous PO3 feedback on it from Lucy, Elinor and the sadly blogless Caroline). So, I started writing something else. I’m about a page off the ending currently, so this is a call for anyone who wants to swap scripts PO3 style. My turnaround for notes is usually pretty quick, and I like to think I can offer at least page of concise critique before I go all wobbly and random ;-)

So, drop me a line in the comments section or send me an email – I’m easy like that, but you knew that anyway.

Finding the Writer's Voice

About a hundred years ago, I applied for this. On Friday, I got the following letter from TAPS:

Thank you very much for your submission for the above course. Due to the sheer volume of submissions received the shortlisting process has taken longer than we anticipated and we thank you for your patience.

The standard of the scripts we received was higher than ever and it was a genuine pleasure to see such quality work. The uniformly excellent writing made it a real challange to select the writers to proceed onto the next stage. It has been a long process and we have created a shortlist of the best scripts which will now be read by our Artistic Advisory Board before being considered for development.

I am please(d) to tell you that your script has made this shortlist. Once the Board have decided on the six they wish to develop we shall let you know their decision.

...which is nice.

The script I submitted for this script was demented (and I have that on good authority), so it’ll be interesting to see what happens next.

Cheers Big Ears!

Although I’m not a huge fan of the term ‘Power of Three’ (for some reason it makes me think of He-Man and his disturbing page boy haircut), I’ve got to admit that the notion itself is top notch: take one short script, send it out to a variety of unsuspecting scribes and don protective headwear for incoming rocket attacks. So this post is by way of a thank you to the blogless trio of Jason, Caroline Henry and Mister G for giving up their valuable time and passing comments, all of which I’ve managed to put to good use. Even with a short script, some things pass me by entirely until someone is able to point out the bleedin’ obvious – you also know you’re trouble when, independently of each other, everyone points out exactly the same thing (i.e., 15 pages = bad, 10 pages = good). With all comments now on board, Out of Time is now ready to slink its way into the BSSC.

Of course it goes without saying that if you want comments on your own short script, drop me a line and we can indulge in some quid pro quo scriptural action (oo-err missus, etc).

Fun with Marchmont Films, part 4

I have it on very good authority (but unfortunately cannot divulge my source) that Marchmont Films is "on hold" for the foreseeable future, and that all submissions have been "dealt with" (mostly I suspect by ignoring them in the hope that they might somehow evaporate).

I suspected as much a few months back when the "film arm" of Bloomsbury Weddings went into a self-imposed meltdown, no doubt buckling under the weight of the final fifteen scripts piled up on their producer's desk. At least I can now stop banging on about it, a process that has become less entertaining of recent months, and more akin to kicking a mangy old dog if I'm perfectly honest.

I'll have to find something else to complain about now ;-)

Opportunity Knocks, part 5

The Screenwriters' Festival '08 in association with Channel 4's 4Talent want to give YOU the opportunity to pitch your amazing Movie or TV idea to a stellar industry panel AND the live festival audience.

Several writers from (the) last two pitching competitions in 2006 & 2007 have already gone onto bigger, better things and have had their ideas optioned, been commissioned to write an original screenplay or have been snapped up by an agent.

The competition is now open here – closing date 29th February 2008.

Blue Cat Early Deadline

Three days until the early Blue Cat deadline...

Now accepting Feature length screenplays.

*Winner receives $10,000
*Four finalists receive $1500
*Every writer who submits to BlueCat receives a written script analysis of their screenplay.

EARLY DEADLINE: December 1st, 2007

Early Bird Script Analysis: Screenplays submitted by December 1st will receive their analysis by January 5th.

Entry Fee: $50

I am exempt from the entry fee this year after an exchange of emails with Gordy Hoffman (for the full unpleasant story, see here), which only went to prove that Gordy is an all round nice guy and I am a complete and utter shit! Suffice to say, I think I'll give this comp a miss this year...

Opportunity Knocks, Part 2

This just in courtesy of Moviebytes.com:

KAIROS PRIZE FOR SPIRITUALLY UPLIFTING SCREENPLAYS

FINAL DEADLINE APPROACHING!

Kairos Prize for Spiritually Uplifting Screenplays Announced!

Primary purpose of the prize is to further the influence of moral and spiritual values within the film and television industries.

Set up to help inspire first-time and beginning screenwriters to produce compelling, entertaining and spiritually uplifting scripts, the winning scripts are read by top execs in addition to the monetary awards.

DEADLINE: December 7th, 2007

PRIZES:
Grand Prize: $25,000
1st Runner Up: $15,000
2nd Runner Up: $10,000

For complete information please visit:http://www.kairosprize.com

My own entry for this competition is a screenplay called Celebrity Shits. I really think I'm in with a chance on this one.

Opportunity Knocks

This is kinda interesting - courtesy of Shooting People and Jerk Films:

To participate in the "Ed's Dead" writing competition, read the logline below carefully. Write a 5-15 page treatment, and upload it along with your CV, writing sample, signed entry form and cover page. You can submit more than one project, but make sure to sign and upload the entry form for each one.

Competition deadline is January 11, 2008. Winners will be announced February 15, 2008

Prizes:-
#1: $3000 in cash and the option for a writing assignment
#2: $1500 in cash
#3: $750 in cash

Here is your logline:

"Ed's Dead"- Only by giving up control over a small life one can gain a great life. A young and highly neurotic man is striving for perfection. In acting out his obsession with details, he fails to enjoy life until the death of his drug dealing elder brother turns his world upside down.

Money Money Money

Channel 4 have announced this:

PILOT is an opportunity for drama screenwriters to win the chance to have their work produced and screened on Channel 4. We're inviting exciting, talented writers to submit a treatment for a six-part drama series, an outline for a pilot episode for that series, and a script for a sample scene from that episode.

Tell me more...

12 writers will be selected to take part in a packed weekend of industry workshops and masterclasses. They will then be hot-housed in one of three Scottish independent production companies, where mentoring producers and Channel 4 script editors will help them develop their series idea and complete a first draft script.

Hmmm...

One creative team will head home with a £90,000 commission to produce a pilot episode of their drama series, including a fee for the winning writer to complete a final draft script.

Ninety grand is a lot of money. But in the context of TV drama, all it’s probably going to buy is a half hour of Neighbours.

By way of comparison, the BBC drama genre tariff for independents is here.

Borrowing liberally from the BBC website, this is the band under which £90k falls:

Daytime and Low Cost Drama - Indicative Tariff Range: £50k - £500k per hour

Within this range, programmes tend to fall into the following categories:

Drama 1: Up to £375k per hour

This category covers a range of low cost output primarily for Daytime together with long running series for BBC ONE; BBC TWO and BBC THREE.

Producers will use innovative techniques and clever ideas to maximise the funds available especially for BBC FOUR. New talent will launch and grow here.

£90,000 might seem a lot of money, but in an environment where an hour of TV drama can cost up to £900,000 plus (the ‘Drama 7’ category), it starts to look like pocket money – especially when direct comparisons are being made to Skins and Shameless. What ninety grand means is essentially a maximum of two locations, a contemporary setting and a small cast. It can be done of course, but ninety grand seems a ludicrously small budget for any production company to chase after.

And what’s more...

PILOT is a 4Talent Scotland project in partnership with Scottish Screen, supported by The National Lottery, and by Highlands & Islands Enterprise.

The opportunity itself is of course great news, but behind the scenes, perhaps the way it has been funded is the whole point – Channel 4 would be delighted if a high quality drama could be produced from such a low cost base; no doubt this initiative is being looked at as a ‘double whammy’, as it appears that Channel 4 haven’t had to stump up much of the cash at all (thanks to our friend the humble tax payer).

And before everyone in every far flung corner of the United Kingdom steams in, bear this in mind:

Amanda Millen, screen and broadcast industries development manager at Highlands and Islands Enterprise, said: “Highlands and Islands Enterprise is very excited to be part of this fantastic initiative and is looking forward to discovering and developing some strong screenwriting talent from the Highlands and Islands.”

Not something that is made terrifically clear on the Channel 4 website!

Big Break Finalists

The Big Break Finalists were announced on 12th September, and here they are in all their rampant glory:

Matthew Allen, Tokyo, Japan HOW STANLEY KUBRICK LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE HOAX
Greg Amici, Los Angeles, CA RHYTHM OF LIFE
Carol Chiodini, Orlando, FL NOT FOR NOTHING
Robert Frisbee, Santa Monica, CA CITYFALL
Geraint Horwood, Buckinghamshire, UK KNIGHT KNIGHT
Barry Lindemann, Las Vegas, NV SUPERGRASS
Mark Litton, Los Angeles, CA THE ENABLER
Neil McGowan, Los Angeles, CA NUMBERED
Chris Rowland, Northampton, UK VLAD THE IMPALER
Tony Urgo, San Jose, CA THE WIZARD JOE

Guess my entry must have scraped in at number 21 ;-)

Two contenders from the UK, which is great – more interesting is the fact that two of these scripts have regularly featured in the Trigger Street Screenplay Top Ten (Matthew Allen’s and Geraint Horwood’s to be precise), so are readily available for a perusal if you want to find out what the guys over at Big Break consider to be a ‘winning script’. I’ve read some of Ger’s work on Trigger Street before, and it's consistently funny. I’m not quite so au fait with Matthew Allen’s script, but it has certainly created some lively debate over at TS (mostly due to its legally contentious subject matter).

You could do worse than to pay Trigger Street a visit to check them both out (if they’re still up on the site that is).

Competition Frenzy!

Rightly or wrongly, I’ve entered three scripts for the Red Planet Prize – (just as well they changed the rules really).

I’ve spent 2007 re-writing all of these scripts, because – let’s face it – first drafts suck the big one (and so do my second and third drafts for that matter). In fact, I’m still ploughing through a re-write on one of these (it’s amazing what you discover when you run through a hastily written first draft: a three page telephone conversation! Argh! A five page monologue! Double argh!)

Anyway, here are the scripts I’ve submitted and some choice comments against each from reviewers far and wide:

NIGHTFALL: There were several things about it I did not fully understand.

DAMAGED: This has a first script feel to it - which isn't a bad thing. (Don’cha just love Trigger Street?)

SUICIDE’S SON: My fave comment of all - The title sounds like a goth band – change that. Thanks Oli – I’m working on it!

Damaged was a finalist here (they insisted on calling me "Christopher" for some reason), but I got bugger all exposure out of it, and every single agent I informed simply went, ‘Meh,’ and fell asleep. I also entered the screenplay competition at the Vail Film Festival, but heard absolutely nothing, even when I e-mailed them a very polite question – however, by then, they already had my $60, so screw you, Chip! Caveat emptor indeed.

All of which means I guess that you have to put your faith in the biggies – Blue Cat (hmmm, think I might’ve shot myself in the foot there), the Nicholl, Big Break, Slamdance, etc.

Problem is, these are all US-based competitions – not a big deal as such, but it would be nice if there were a few more homegrown competitions as well, which is the reason why Red Planet Prize is so welcome (and free to boot – my favourite price).

(There’s the British Short Screenplay Competition of course, but I’ve never entered – personally speaking, the prospect of writing a ten page screenplay fills me with total dread).

Red Planet aside, I don’t know about the whole competition thing to be honest – at least with Blue Cat you get coverage, but this can vary in quality, as Scott the Reader knows all too well. And now with Without a Box, there are literally hundreds of competitions queuing up for you to throw your money at, which simply leads me to the conclusion there’s a ton of money to be unlocked in all those spec screenplays in them thar hills.

I think in future when given the choice between $60 script notes and a $60 screenplay competition entrance fee, I’ll probably go for the script notes. It will almost certainly lead to a better script, which is surely the reason we’re all doing this – right?

Blue Cat E-mail Tirade

Oops. I've just upset Gordy Hoffman (which means I'll have to shelve my Blue Cat acceptance speech for next year. Remember KLF playing the Brits a few years back with Extreme Noise Terror and an artfully placed dead sheep? It would've looked a bit like that).

I've just received feedback on an additional script I submitted to Blue Cat back in February and subsequently forgot all about it (which is the best way to be with competitions I think). On 15th August, a good few weeks after the top ten per cent, finalists and winners had been announced, my own feedback limps into my in-box.

Despite the fact that I'd forgotten all about the entry, I wasn't too impressed with this, so sent Gordy an email in which I threw my toys out of my pram plus a few more besides. This provoked a response from Gordy in which he basically bitch slapped me and told me to shut it - which, come to think of it, was a pretty fair response. Gordy stated that if I was dissatisfied with anything Blue Cat had done this year, then I could have a free entry next year. Very considerate (especially once you factor in my insulting email) - however, after my tirade, I don't think I'm welcome in the esteemed Blue Cat neighbourhood, so I shall slink off, all chastened and ashamed...

Anyway, the upshot of this is that Gordy sent me the marking criteria that Blue Cat use, which is reproduced below:

STORY
CHARACTERIZATION
DIALOGUE
DESCRIPTION
CLARITY
ORIGINALITY

They mark each script out of 60, 10 for each category. My second script scored 26 (43%, good enough for an A level!), with a '2' for characterization! Wow. The winner scored 58 (which meant that the winner was more than twice as good as my own script!).

In comparison, I saw The Bourne Ultimatum last night, and using the Blue Cat marking criteria above (and, of course, my own rigorous standards of critique), I gave it a mark of 21 - which makes it a load of old flapdoodle in my book. And don't get me started on The Walker, Paul Schrader's latest. Perhaps I ought to send him an email to see if I can upset him as well...